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Plays  of  the  Washington  Square  Players 


ANOTHER  WAY  OUT  a 

Play  in  One  Act  by  Lawrence  Langner 


FRANK    SHAY,    Publisher    1916 


^■%':^§mP'^:S'''-^-%M^ 


ANOTHER  WAY  OUT 


Another  Way  Out 

A  Play  in  One  Act 
LAWRENCE  LANGNER 


FRANK  SHAY :  THE  WASHINGTON  SQUARE  PLAYERS 
NEW  YORK  19  i  6 


Copyright  1916,  by  Lawrence  Langner 
British  and  Foreign  Copyright  Reserved  by  Author 


For  permission  to  cive  this  play, 

anply  to  "X'aj^h^r.gton  Square  Players, 

New  York,  or  to  Author 


Another  Way  Out 


3G1205 


Another  Way  Out 

A  Play  in  One  Act 
S(/  LAWRENCE  LANGNER 

Original  Cast  appearing  in  the  first  production 

by  the  Washington  Square  Players,  at  the  Comedy  Theatre, 

New  York,  November  13th,  1916 

Margare;t  Marshai,!,    Gwi^adys  Wynne 

Mrs.  Abbey Jean  Robb 

PoMEROY  Pendleton JosE  Ruben 

Baroness  de  Meauvii.i.E  Helen  Westley 

Charles  P.  K.  Fenton   Robert  Strange 

Time — The  Present 

Produced  under  the  direction  of 
Mr.  Phillip  Moeller 

Characters  : 

PoMEROY  Pendleton  A  Writer 

Margaret  Marshall   A  Sculptress 

Charles  P.  K.  Fenton  A  Salesman 

Baroness  de  Meauville A  Costumier 

Mrs.  Abbey  A  Housekeeper 


ANOTHER  WAY  OUT 


SCBNB :  The  studio  in  Pendleton's  apartment.  A  large 
room,  with  sky-light  in  centre  wall,  doors  right,  left,  set  for 
breakfast;  a  vase  with  red  flowers  decorates  the  table. 
Center  back  stage,  in  front  of  skylight,  modelling  stand 
upon  which  is  placed  a  rough  statuette,  covered  by  a  cloth. 
To  one  side  of  this  is  a  large  screen.  The  furnishings  are 
many  hued,'  the  cushions  a  flare  of  color,  and  the  pictures 
fantastically  futuristic. 

AT  RISE:  Mrs.  Abbey,  a  benevolent  looking,  middle- 
aged  woman,  in  neat  clothes  and  apron,  is  arranging  some 
dishes  on  the  table.  Margaret,  a  very  modern  young  wo- 
man, is  exercising  vigorously.  She  is  decidedly  good-look- 
ing— her  eyes  are  direct,  her  complexion  fresh,  and  her 
movements  free.  Her  brown  hair  is  "bobbed,"  and  she 
wears  a  picturesque  Grecian  robe. 

Mrs.  AbiiKy:  Breakfast  is  ready,  ma'am.  {Margaret  sits 
at  table  and  helps  herself.     Exit  Mrs.  Abbey,  left.) 

Margaret.  (Calling)  :  Pommy  dear.  Breakfast  on  the 
table. 

Pendleton.  (From  zvithout.)  :  I'll  be  there  in  a  mo- 
ment. (Margaret  glances  through  paper;  Pendleton  enters, 
door  right.     He  is  tall  and  thin,  and  of  aesthetic  appearance. 

7 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

His  long  blond  hair  is  brushed  loosely  over  his  forehead 
and  he  is  dressed  in  a  heliotrope-colored  dressing  gown.  He 
lights  a  cigarette.) 

Margare^t  :  I  thought  you  were  going  to  stop  smoking 
before  breakfast. 

Pe:ndle:ton  :  My  dear — I  can't  possibly  stand  the  taste 
of  tooth  paste  in  my  mouth  all  day.  (Pendleton  sits  at  table 
— Enter  Mrs.  Abbey  with  tray.  Pendleton  helps  himself, 
then  drops  his  knife  and  fork  with  a  clang,  as  he  is  about  to 
eat.     Mrs.  Abbey  and  Margaret  are  startled.) 

Mrs.  Abbky  :   Anything  the  matter  sir  ? 

Pe;ndi,e:ton  :  Dear,  dear !  My  breakfast  is  quite  spoiled 
again. 

Mrs.  Abbky.     (Concerned)  :    Spoiled,  sir? 

PEndIvETOn.  (Pointing  to  red  flowers  on  breakfast 
table)  :  Look  at  those  flowers,  Mrs.  Abbey — not  only  are 
they  quite  out  of  harmony  with  the  color  scheme  in  this 
room — but  they're  positively  red — and  you  know  I  have  a 
perfect  horror  of  red. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  But  you  like  them  that  color  sometimes, 
sir.  What  am  I  to  do  when  you're  so  temperamental  about 
it. 

Margaret  :   Temperamental — I  should  say  bad-tempered. 

Mrs.  Abbey.  (Soothingly)  :  Oh  no,  ma'am.  It  isn't 
bad  temper.  /  understand  Mr.  Pendleton.  It's  just  an- 
other bad  night  he's  had — that's  what  it  is. 

8 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Pkndle:ton.  {Sarcastically  polite)  :  Mrs.  Abbey  you 
appear  to  have  an  intimate  knowledge  of  how  I  pass  the 
nights.     It's  becoming  quite  embarrassing. 

Mrs.  Ap.bEy  :  You  mustn't  mind  an  old  woman  like  me, 
sir.  (Piano.)  {The  sound  of  a  piano — hopelessly  out  of 
tiuie — in  the  apartment  upstairs  is  heard — the  player  hang- 
ing out  Mendelsohns  Wedding  March  zvith  unusual  insist- 
ence.) 

PendlKTon  :    There — that  confounded  piano  again! 

Margarkt  :  And  they  always  play  the  Wedding  March. 
1  here  must  be  an  old  maid  living  there. 

Mrs.  AbbKy  :    They're  doing  that  for  a  reason. 

Margaret:    What  reason? 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Their  cook  told  me  yesterday  that  her 
missus  thinks  if  she  keeps  on  a-playing  of  the  Wedding 
March,  p'raps  it'll  give  you  an'  Mr.  Pendleton  the  idea  of 
getting  married.  She  don't  believe  in  couples  livin'  to- 
gether— like  you  an'  Mr.  Pendleton. 

Margaret:   No? 

Mrs.  Abbey:  And — I  just  said  you  an'  Mr.  Pendleton 
had  been  living  together  so  long,  it  was  my  opinion  you 
might  just  as  well  be  married  an'  done  with  it. 

Margaret.  {Angrily)  :  Your  opinion  is  quite  uncalled 
for,  Mrs.  Abbey. 

Pendleton  :    Why   shouldn't   Mrs.   Abbey  give   us  her 

9 


ANOTHER   WAY    OUT 

opinion?     It   may  be   valuable.     Look   at   her  experiences 
in  matrimony. 

Mrs.  Abbe:y:    In  matrimony,  and  out  of  it,  too. 

Margare:t.  (Sitting)  :  But  Mrs.  Abbey  has  no  ri^ht  to 
discuss  our  affairs  with  other  people's  maids. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  I'll  be  glad  to  quit  if  I  don't  suit  the  mis- 
tress. 

Margare;t.  (Angrily):  There!  Mistress  again!  How 
often  have  I  asked  you  not  to  refer  to  me  as  the  mistress  ? 

Mrs.  Abbey:    No  offense,  ma'am. 

Pendleton  :  You'd  better  see  if  there's  any  mail,  Mrs. 
Abbey — and  take  those  flowers  away  with  you. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Very  well,  sir.  (Bxit  Mrs.  Abbey  door 
centre. ) 

Margaret  :  What  an  old  fashioned  point  of  view  Mrs. 
Abbey  has — just  because  she's  deserted  three  husbands. 
(Pendleton  takes  up  paper  and  commences  to  read.) 

Margaret:    Pommy,  why  do  you  stoop  so. 

Pendleton  :   Am  I  stooping  ? 

Margaret  :  I'm  tired  of  telling  you.  You  ought  to  take 
more  exercise.     (Pendleton  continues  to  read.) 

Margaret  :  One  reason  why  the  Greeks  were  the  greatest 
of  artists  was  because  they  cultivated  the  body  as  carefully 
as  the  mind. 

10 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

P^NDLKTON  :  Oh — Hang  the  Greeks.  {Enter  Mrs.  Abbey 
right,  zvitli  letters.) 

Mrs.  AbbKy:  These  are  your  letters  sir.  (Coldly.)  And 
these  are  yours  ma'am.     (B.vit  Mrs.  Abbey  left.) 

Margaret:  (WJw  has  opened  her  letters  meanwhile.) 
How  deHghtful!  Tom  Del  Valli  has  asked  us  to  a  party 
at  his  studio  next  Friday. 

Pendleton:    (Opening  his  letters.)     Both  of  us? 

Margaret:  (Giving  him  letter.)  Yes — and  Helen 
Marsden  wants  us  for  Saturday. 

Pendleton  :    Both  of  us  ? 

Margaret:  (Picking  up  another  letter.)  Yes — and 
here's  one  from  Bobby  Watson  for  Sunday. 

Pendleton  :   Both  of  us  ? 

Margaret:   Yes. 

Pendleton  :  Really,  Margaret,  this  is  becoming  exasper- 
ating. (Hold  lip  letters.)  Here  are  four  more — I  sup- 
pose for  both  of  us.  People  keep  on  inviting  us  out  to- 
gether time  after  time  as  though  we  were  the  most  con- 
ventional married  couple  on  God's  earth. 

Margaret:    Do  you  object  to  going  out  with  me? 

Pendleton:  (Doubtfully.)  No — it  isn't  that.  But 
we're  having  too  much  of  a  good  thing.  And  I've  come  to 
the  conclusion  that  it's  your  fault. 

11 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Margari^t:  (Indignantly.)  Oh — it's  my  fault?  Of 
course  you'd  blame  me.     Why? 

Pe:ndi,ETon  :  Because  you  have  such  an  absurd  habit  of 
boasting  to  people  of  your  devotion  for  me — when  we're 
out. 

Margaret  :  You  surely  don't  expect  me  to  quarrel  with 
you  in  public  ? 

Pe^ndIvETON  :  It  isn't  necessary  to  go  to  that  extent.  But 
when  everybody  believes  that  we're  utterly — almost  stupidly 
— in  love  with  one  another,  what  can  you  expect? 

Margare:t  :  You  said  once  you  never  wanted  me  to  sup- 
press anything. 

Pe:ndi.e:ton  :   That  was  before  we  began  living  together. 

Margaret:   What  could  I  have  done? 

PendlKTOn:  (Up.  right.)  Anything — just  so  we  could 
have  a  little  more  freedom — instead  of  being  tied  together 
the  way  we  are.  Never  a  moment  when  we're  not  together 
— never  a  moment  of  freedom — never  a  moment  when  I'm 
not  interviewed  by  special  article  writers  from  almost  every 
paper  and  magazine  in  the  country,  as  the  only  successful 
exponent  of  the  theory  that  love  can  be  so  perfect  that  the 
marriage  contract  degrades  it.  I  put  it  to  you  Margaret — 
if  this  is  a  free  union  it  is  simply  intolerable! 

Margaret  :  But  aren't  we  living  together  so  as  to  have 
more   freedom?     Think  of  what  it  might  be  if  we  were 

12 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

married.     Didn't    you    once    write    that    "When     marriage 
came  in  at  the  door,  freedom  Mew  out  at  the  window?" 

Pendle;ton  :  Are  we  any  better  off — with  everybody 
treating  us  as  though  we  were  hving  together  simply  to 
prove  a  principle? 

Margaret:  Well,  aren't  we?  You  said  so  yourself; 
otherwise,  how  can  we  be  a  beautiful  example  to  other 
people,  and  show  them  how  to  lead  the  pure  natural  lives 
of  the  later  Greeks? 

Pendleton  :  Damn  the  later  Greeks.  Why  do  you  al- 
ways throw  those  confounded  later  Greeks  in  my  face ! 
We've  got  to  look  at  it  from  our  standpoint.  This  situa- 
tion must  come  to  an  end. 

Margaret  :   What  can  we  do  ? 

Pendleton  :    It  rests  with  you. 

Margaret  :    With  me  ? 

Pendleton:  (Dramatically.)  You  can  compromise 
yourself  with  somebody — publicly.  That'll  put  an  end  to 
everything. 

Margaret  :   How  wiU  that  end  it  ? 

Pendleton  :  It'll  break  down  the  morally  sanctified  at- 
mosphere in  which  we're  living.  Then,  perhaps,  people 
will  regard  us  as  immoral — and  treat  us  like  decent  human 
beings  again. 

Margaret  :    But  I  don't  want  to  compromise  myself. 

13 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

PendIvKTOn  :   If  you  believe  in  your  own  ideals,  you  must. 

Margaret:   But  why  should  /  have  to  do  it? 

Pkndle^ton  :    It  will  be  so  easy  for  you. 

Margare^t  :  Why  can't  we  both  be  compromised  ?  That 
would  be  better  still. 

Pkndi,kton  :  I  should  find  it  a  bore.  You,  unless  my 
memory  fails  me — would  enjoy  it. 

Margare:t  :  You  needn't  be  cynical.  Even  if  you  don't 
enjoy  it,  you  can  work  it  into  a  novel. 

Pdndlkton  :  It's  less  exertion  to  imagine  an  affair  of 
that  sort — and  the  result  would  probably  be  more  saleable. 
Besides — I  have  no  interest  whatsoever  in  women — at  least 
the  women  we  know. 

Margare:t  :  For  that  matter  I  don't  know  any  eligible 
men. 

Pe:ndi,e:ton  :   What  about  Bob  Lockwood  ? 

Margaret  :   But  he's  your  best  friend  ! 

Pe:ndle)Ton  :  Exactly — no  man  ever  really  trusts  his  best 
friend.  He'll  probably  compromise  you  without  compunc- 
tion. 

Margaret:  Yes — I'm  afraid  he'd  be  too  dangerous — he 
tells  you  all  his  secrets.     Whom  will  you  choose? 

Pendi^ETon  :   It's  a  matter  of  complete  indifference  to  me. 

14 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Margaret  :  I've  heard  a  lot  of  queer  stories  about  Jean 
Roberts.     How  would  she  do? 

Pendleton:  (f irmly.)  Margaret,  I  don't  mind  being 
party  to  a  flirtation — but  I  draw  the  line  at  being  the  victim 
of  a  seduction. 

Margaret  :  Why  not  leave  it  to  chance  ?  Let  it  be  the 
next  interesting  woman  you  meet. 

Pendleton  :  That  might  be  amusing.  But  there  must 
be  an  age  limit.     And  how  about  you? 

Margaret  :  {Takes  cloth  off  statuette  and  discloses  figure 
of  Apollo  in  rough  modelling  clay.)  Me — Why  not  the 
new  model  who  is  coming  today  to  pose  for  my  Apollo? 

Pendleton  :  Well,  if  he's  anything  like  that  you  ought 
to  be  able  to  create  a  sensation.  Then — perhaps — we  shall 
have  some  real  freedom. 

IMargaret  :  Pommy,  do  you  still  love  me  as  much  as  you 
did? 

Pendleton:  (Cuttingly.)  How  you  sentimentalize!  Do 
you  think  I'd  be  willing  to  enter  into  a  flirtation  with  a 
strange  woman — if  I  didn't  want  to  keep  on  living  w^ith 
you? 

Margaret  :  And  we  won't  have  to  break  up  our  little 
home — will  we? 

Pendleton  :  No,  anything  to  save  the  home.  ( Catches 
himself.)     My  God!     If  any  of  my  readers  should  hear 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

me  say  that !  To  think  that  I — Pomeroy  Pendleton,  should 
be  trying  to  save  my  own  home.  And  yet,  how  character- 
istically paradoxical. 

Margare:t  :  (Interrupting.)  Give  me  a  kiss.  Now  you 
are  going  to  philosophize.  (She  goes  to  him,  sits  on  his 
lap,  and  places  her  arm  on  his  shoulder;  he  takes  out  cigar- 
ette^ she  lights  it  for  him.) 

Pe:ndi.eton  :  (Brought  back  to  reality.)  I  have  some 
work  to  do — I  must  go. 

Margaret  :  A  kiss ! 

Pendleton  :    (Kisses  her  carelessly.)     There — let  me  go. 

Margaret:   I  want  a  real  kiss. 

Pendleton  :  Don't  be  silly  dear,  I  can't  play  this  morn- 
ing. (Door  hell.)  I've  simply  got  to  finish  that  last 
chapter.  (A  bell  rings,  Mrs.  Abbey  enters  and  goes  to 
door.) 

Mrs.  Abbey:   There's  a  lady  to  see  Mr.  Pendleton. 

Margaret  :   Tell  her  to  come  m ! 

Pendleton  :   But  Margaret ! 

Margaret:  Remember — (significantly) — the  first  wo- 
man you  meet!  (Exit  Margaret  and  Mrs.  Abbey  after  she 
has  shown  in  the  Baroness  de  Meauville.) 

Baroness  de  MeauvieeE:  (Speaking  with  a  pronounced 
English  accent.)  Good  morning,  Mr.  Pendleton,  I'm  the 
Baroness  de  Meauville! 

16 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

PendlKTON  :  (Recalling  her  name.)  Baroness  de  Meau- 
ville — Ah,  the  costumiere? 

Baroness  :  Not  a  costumiere — Mr.  Pendleton,  I  am  an 
artist — an  artist  in  modern  attire.  A  woman  is  to  me  what 
a  canvas  is  to  a  painter. 

Pendleton  :  Excuse  me  for  receiving"  you  in  my  dress- 
ing gown.     I  was  at  work. 

Baroness  :  I  hke  to  see  men  in  dressing  gowns — yours  is 
very  charming. 

PendeETon  :  (Flattered  and  pleased.)  Do  you  Hke  it?  I 
designed  it  myself. 

Baroness:  (Looking  seductively  into  his  eyes.)  How 
few  really  creative  artists  there  are  in  America. 

Pendleton:    (Modestly.)     You  flatter  me. 

Baroness:  Not  at  all.  You  must  know  that  Fm  a  great 
admirer  of  yours,  Mr.  Pendleton.  I've  read  every  one  of 
}Our  books.     I  feel  I  know  you  as  an  old  friend. 

Pendleton:  That's  very  nice  of  you!  (The  Baroness 
reclines  on  couch;  takes  jewelled  case  from  reticule  and 
offers  Pendleton  a  cigarette.) 

Baroness:    \\'ill  you  smoke? 

Pendleton:  Thanks.  (Pendleton  lights  her  cigarette, 
then  his  own.  He  draws  his  chair  up  to  the  couch.  An 
atmosphere  of  mutual  interest  is  established.) 

17 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Baroness:  Mr.  Pendleton — I  have  a  mission  in  life.  It 
is  to  make  the  American  woman  the  best  dressed  woman 
in  the  world.  I  came  here  today  because  I  want  you  to 
help  me. 

Pendleton  :    But  I  have  no  ambitions  in  that  direction. 

Baroness:  Why  should  you  have  ambitions?  Only  the 
bourgeoise  has  ambitions.  We  artists  have  inspirations. 
I  want  to  breathe  into  you  the  spirit  of  my  great  under- 
taking. Already  I  have  opened  my  place  in  the  smartest 
part  of  the  Avenue.  Already  I  have  drawn  my  assistants 
from  all  parts  of  the  world.  Nothing  is  lacking  to  com- 
plete my  plans — but  you. 

PEndIvETon  :   Me — why  me  ? 

Baroness:  (Endearingly.)  Are  you  not  considered  one 
of  the  foremost  men  of  letters  in  America? 

Pendi^ETOn  :   Yes. 

Baroness  :  Are  you  not  an  artist  of  taste  and  distinction  ? 

Pendleton  :  (Modestly,)  Didn't  you  say  you  had  read 
all  my  books? 

Baroness  :  Are  you  not  the  only  writer  who  has  success- 
fully portrayed  the  emotional  side  of  American  life? 

PendeETOn  :    (Decidedly.)     Yes. 

Baroness:  Exactly — that  is  why  I  have  chosen  you — to 
write  my  advertisements. 

PEndeETon  :    (Aghast.)     But,  Baroness! 

18 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 
BaroxKSS  :  You're  not  going  to  say  that — it's  so  ordinary. 

Pendleton  :  But — but — you  want  me  to  write  advertise- 
ments! 

Baroness:    Please  don't  disappoint  me. 

Pendleton  :    But — advertisements! 

Baroness:  Yours  would  be  \vonderful!  You  may  even 
evolve  a  new  form  of  literature. 

Pendleton  :  Yes,  I  suppose  that's  so.  But  one  has  a 
sense  of  pride. 

Baroness:  Art  comes  before  Pride.  Consider  my  feel- 
ings— an  aristocrat — coming  here  to  America  and  engaging 
in  commerce,  and  advertising,  and  other  dreadful  things — 
and  all  for  the  sake  of  Art ! 

Pendleton  :    But  you  make  money  out  of  it. 

Baroness:  Only  incidentially.  Just  as  you — in  writing 
my  advertisements,  would  make — say  ten  thousand  or  so — 
as  a  sort  of  accident.  But  don't  let  us  talk  of  money.  It's 
perfectly  revolting— isn't  it?  Art  is  Life,  and  I  believe  in 
Life  for  Art's  sake.     That's  why  Pm  a  success. 

Pendleton  :   Indeed?     How  interesting;  please  go  on. 

Baroness:  When  a  woman  comes  to  me  for  a  gown — I 
don't  measure  her  body — why  should  I?  I  measure  her 
mind.  I  find  her  color  harmony.  In  a  moment  I  can  tell 
whether  she  ought  to  wear  scarlet,  mauve,  tope,  magenta, 
or  any  other  color,   so  as  to   fall  into  her  proper   rythm. 

19 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Everyone  has  a  rhythm,  you  know.  {Pendleton  sits  on  sofa.) 
But  I  don't  have  to  explain  all  this  to  you,  Mr.  Pendleton. 
You  understand  it  intuitively.  This  heliotrope  you  are 
wearing  shows  me  at  once  that  you  are  in  rhythm. 

Pi:ndle;ton  :  {Thinking  of  Margaret.)  I'm  not  so  sure 
that  I  am.  What  you  say  interests  me.  May  I  ask  you  a 
question  ? 

Barone:ss:    Yes,  but  I  may  not  answer  it. 

PEndi,i:ton  :  Why  do  you  wear  heliotrope — and  the  same 
shade  as  mine? 

Baroness:  {With  mock  mystery.)  You  mustn't  ask  me 
that. 

Pe:ndli:ton  :    Pm  all  curiosity. 

Barone:ss:  Curiosity  is  dangerous. 

PEndi,i:ton  :    Supposing  I  try  to  find  out. 

Baroness:    That  may  be  even  more  dangerous. 

Pendleton  :    Pm  fond  of  that  kind  of  danger. 

Baroness:    Take  care — Pm  very  fragile. 

Pendleton  :  Isn't  heliotrope  in  rhythm  with  the  faint 
reflection  of  passion? 

Baroness  :   How  brutal  of  you  to  have  said  it. 

Pendleton:  {Coming  closer  to  her.)  I,  too,  am  in 
rhythm  with  heliotrope. 

20 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Baroxkss:  (IVith  joy.)  How  glad  I  am.  Thank  God 
you've  no  desire  to  kiss  my  lips. 

Pendleton:  Only  your  finijer-tips.  (They  exchange 
kisses  and  fingertips.) 

PendeETon  :   Your  fingers  are  like  soft  pale  waxen  tapers. 

Baroness  :  Your  kisses  are  the  hreathings  that  light  them 
into  quivering  flame. 

Pendleton  :   Exquisite — exquisite. 

Baroness:  {IVithdrazving  her  hands.)  That  was  a  mo- 
ment. 

Pendleton  :   We  must  have  many  such. 

Baroness:    Many?     That's  too  near  too  much. 

Pendleton:    {Fervently.)     We  shall — dear  lady. 

Baroness  :  How  I  adore  your  writings.  They  have  made 
me  realize  the  beauty  of  an  ideal  union — the  love  of  one 
man  for  one  woman — at  a  time.  Let  us  have  such  a  union 
— you  and  me. 

Pendleton  :  {Taken  aback.)  But  I  live  in  such  a  union 
already. 

Baroness:  {Rising  in  amazement.)  And  only  a  moment 
ago  you  kissed  me ! 

Pendleton  :   Well — what  of  it  ? 

Baroness:    Don't  you  see  what  we've  done?     You  are 

21 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

living  in  one  of  those  wonderful  unions  you  describe  in 
your  books — and  I've  let  you  kiss  me.  I've  committed 
a  sacrilege. 

Pe:ndi,kton  :  You're  mistaken.  It  isn't  a  sacrilege.  It's 
an  opportunity. 

Baroni:ss:  (Dramatically.)  How^  can  you  say  that — 
you  whose  words  have  inspired  my  deepest  intimacies.  No 
— I  must  go.     (Makes  for  door  center.)     I — must — go. 

Pe;ndi,e:ton  :  You  don't  understand.  I  exaggerated 
everything  so  in  my  confounded  books. 

Baroness:  Please  ask  her  to  forgive  me.  Please  tell 
her  I  thought  you  were  married,  otherwise,  never,  never, 
would  I  have  permitted  you  to  kiss  me. 

P]e:ndIvE:ton  :   What  made  you  think  I  was  married  ? 

Baroness:    One  often  believes  what  one  hopes. 

PendIvETOn  :   And  if  I  were? 

Baroness:    I  have  no  middle-class  ideas  on  the  subject. 

Pendleton  :   You  take  it  too  seriously.     Let  me  explain. 

Baroness:  What  is  there  to  explain?  Our  experience 
has  been  complete — why  spoil  it  by  an  anti-climax? 

Pendleton  :    Am  I  never  to  see  you  again  ? 

Baroness:  Who  knows?  If  your  present  union  should 
end,  and  some  day  your  soul  needs — someone?  (B.rit  door 
center — her  manner  full  of  promise.) 

22 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Pendleton:  (With  feeling.)  Goodbye — long,  pale  fin- 
gers.    {Enter  Margaret,  door  right.) 

Margaret:    Did  you  get  a  good  start  with  the  scandal? 

Pendleton  :  Not  exactly — I  may  as  well  admit  it  was 
a  failure — through  no  fault  of  mine,  of  course.  And  now 
1  simply  must  finish  that  last  chapter.  {Exit.)  {Margaret 
rings  for  Airs.  Abbey  zvho  enters.) 

Margaret  :    You  may  clear  Mrs.  Abbey. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Very  well,  ma'am.  {She  attends  to  clear- 
ing the  table.) 

Margaret  :  Mrs.  Abbey — have  you  worked  for  many 
people  living  together — like  Mr.  Pendleton  and  myself? 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Lor',  Ma'am  yes.  I've  worked  in  nearly 
every  house  on  the  south  side  of  Washington  Square. 

Margaret  :  Mr.  Pendleton  says  I'm  as  domestic  as  any 
wife  could  be — were  the  others  like  me? 

]Mrs.  Abbey  :  Most  of  them,  ma'am — but  some  was  regu- 
lar hussies ;  not  only  a-livin'  with  their  fellers — but  livin' 
happily  too.  That's  what  I  call  real  immoral.  {Bell 
rings.  Mrs.  Abbey  opens  door  centre  and  passes  out.  Con- 
versation zvith  Fenton  zvithout  is  heard.  Mrs.  Abbey 
conies  back.) 

Mrs.  Abbey  :   A  young  man  wants  to  see  you,  ma'am. 
Margaret:   That's  the  new  model.     I'll  get  my  working 

23 


ANOTHER   WAY    OUT 

apron.     (Exit   Margaret   door   right.     Mrs.    Abbey    calls 
through  door  centre.) 

Mrs.  Abbey:  You  c'n  come  in.  (Enter  door  left,  Charles 
P.  K.  Fenton,  dictionary  salesman.  He  is  a  strikingly 
handsome  young  man,  offensively  smartly  dressed  in  a  black' 
and  white  check  suit,  gaudy  tie,  and  white  socks.  His  hair 
is  brushed  back  from  his  forehead  like  a  glossy  sheath.  He 
carries  a  small  black  bag.  His  manner  is  distinctly  ''male.'') 

Fenton  :   Madam,  I  represent 

Mrs.  Abbey:  (Points  to  screen.)  You  can  undress  be- 
hind there. 

Fenton  :  Undress  ?     Say— what's  this  ?     A  turkish  bath  ? 

Mrs.  Abbey  :  Did  you  expect  to  have  a  private  room  all 
to  yourself? 

Fenton:  (Looking  around.)  What  am  I  to  undress 
for? 

Mrs.  Abbey  :   The  missus  will  be  here  in  a  minute. 

Fenton:    Good  night!     I'm  goin'.       (Makes  for  door.) 

Mrs.  Abbey:  What's  the  matter?  Ain't  you  the  Missus' 
new  model? 

Fenton:  A  model!  Ha!  Ha!  You've  sure  got  the 
wrong  number  this  time.     Fm  in  the  dictionary  line,  ma'am. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Well — of  all  the  impudence — you  a  book 
agent — and  a-walkin'  in  here. 

Fenton  :  Well,  you  asked  me  in,  didn't  you  ?  Can't  I  see 
the  missus — jest  for  a  minute? 

24 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Mrs.  Abbey:  (Good-naturedly.)  Very  well.  Here  she 
is.  {Confidentially.)  And  I  advise  you  to  remove  that 
Spearmint  from  your  mouth,  if  you  want  to  sell  any  dic- 
tionaries in  this  house. 

Fenton  :    (Placing  hand  to  mouth.)     Where  shall  I  put 

it? 

Mrs.  Abbey:  You'd  better  swallow  it!  (Fenton  tries  to 
do  so;  chokes,  turns  red,  and  places  his  hand  to  mouth.) 

Margaret:  (To  Fenton.)  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you.  (Fen- 
ton is  most  embarrassed.  Mrs.  Abbey,  in  surprise,  attempts 
to  explain  situation.) 

Mrs.  Abbey  :   But  ma'am 


Margaret  :    You  may  go,  Mrs.  Abbey. 

Mrs.  Abbey:    But — but — ma'am 

Margaret:  (Severely.)  You  may  go,  Mrs.  Abbey. 
(Bxit  Mrs.  Abbey  in  a  huff.)  I'm  so  glad  they  sent  you 
up  to  see  me.  Won't  you  sit  down?  (Fenton  finds  it  a 
difficult  matter  to  handle  the  situation.  He  adopts  his 
usual  formula  for  an  ''opening"  but  his  speech  is  mechan- 
ical and  without  conviction.  Margaret  adds  to  his  em- 
larassnieut  by  stepping  around  him  and  examining  him 
with  professional  interest.) 

Fenton  :  Madam — I  represent  the  Globe  Advertising 
Publishing  Sales  Co.,  the  largest  publishers  of  dictionaries 
in  the  world. 

25 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Margaret:  (Continuing  to  appraise  him.)  Then  you're 
not  the  new  model. 

Fknton  :    No,  ma'am. 

Margarkt:    What  a  pity.     Never  mind — go  on. 

Fe:nton  :  As  I  was  saying  ma'am.  I  represent  the  Ad- 
vertising Globe  Publishing — I  mean  the  Globe  Advertising 
Sales  Publishing  Co.,  the  largest  publishers  of  dictionaries 
in  the  world.  For  some  time  past  we  have  felt  there  was 
a  demand  for  a  new  Encyclopaedic  dictionary,  madam,  one 
that  would  not  only  fill  up  a  good  deal  of  space  in  the  book- 
shelf— making  an  attractive  addition  to  the  home,  but  also 
containing  the  most  complete  collection  of  words  in  the 
English  language. 

Margare:t:  (Who  has  taken  a  pencil  and  is  measuring 
Pent  on  while  he  speaks;  Fentons  discomfort  is  obvious. 
He  attempts  to  rearrange  his  tie  and  coat,  thinking  she  is 
examining  them.)  Please  go  on  talking — it's  so  interest- 
ing. 

Fi^NTON :  Statistics  show  that  the  Women  of  Average 
Education  in  America,  Madam,  has  command  of  but  fif- 
teen hundred  words.  This  new  dictionary  Madam  (Pro- 
duces book  from  bag)  will  give  you  command  of  over  eight 
hundred  and  fifty  thousand. 

Margaret:  (Archly.)  So  you  are  a  dealer  in  words — 
how  perfectly  romantic. 

Fe:nton  :  (Warming.)     Most  of  these  words,  madam,  are 

26 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

not  used  more  than  a  dozen  times  a  year.  They  are  our 
Heritage  from  the  Past,  madam,  just  as  much  as  our  Flag 
is  our  Heritage  from  the  Past.  And  all  these  words — to 
say  nothing  of  the  fact  that  the  dictionary  fills  five  inches 
in  a  book-shelf — making  an  attractive  addition  to  the  li- 
brary, being  handsomely  bound  in  half-cloth — all  these  are 
yours,  ma'am  for  the  price  of  one  dollar.  {He  places  dic- 
tionary in  her  hand.     She  examines  it.) 

Fknton  :  If  you  have  a  son,  madam,  the  possession  of 
this  dictionary  will  give  him  an  opportunity  of  acquiring 
that  knowledge  of  our  language  which  made  Abraham  Lin- 
coln the  Father  of  our  Country.  Madam,  opportunity 
knocks  at  the  door  only  once — and  THIS  is  YOUR  oppor- 
tunity— at  one  dollar. 

AIargarkt  :  (Meaningly.)  Yes — this  IS  my  opportunity. 
I'll  buy  the  dictionary — and  now  (szveetly)  won't  you  tell 
me  your  name? 

Fenton  :  (Pocketing  dollar.)  My  name  is  Charles  P. 
K.  Fenton. 

Margarkt  :  Mr.  Fenton,  would  you  mind  doing  me  a 
favor. 

Fenton:  (Looking  dubiously  towards  the  screen.)  Why 
[  guess  not,  ma'am. 

Margaret  :   I  want  you  to  take  off  your  coat. 

Fenton  :  (Puzzled.)  You're  not  trying  to  kid  me, 
ma'am  ? 

27 


ANOTHER   WAY    OUT 

Margaret:  I  just  want  to  see  your  development.  Do 
you  mind? 

Fe;nton:  (Removes  coat.)  Why,  no  ma'am — if  that's 
all  you  want. 

Margaret  :  Now— bring  your  arm  up — tighten  the  mus- 
cles. (Pent on  does  as  she  bids;  Margaret  thumps  his  arm 
approvingly.)  Splendid — you  must  take  lots  of  exercise, 
Mr.  Fenton. 

Fenton  :  Not  me,  ma'am.  I  never  had  no  time  for  exer- 
cise.    I  got  that  workin'  in  a  freight  yard. 

Margaret  :  I  suppose  you  think  me  rather  peculiar,  Mr. 
Fenton. 

Fenton  :  You've  said  it,  Miss. 

Margaret:  You  see — I'm  a  sculptress.  (Points  to 
statuette.)     This  is  my  work. 

Fenton:  You  made  that?  Gee!  that's  great.  (Uxam- 
mes  statuette.)     Just  like  them  statues  at  the  Metropolitan. 

Margaret:    That  center  figure  is  Apollo,  Mr.  Fenton. 

Fenton  :    Oh — Applollo. 

Margaret  :  I  was  to  engage  a  professional  model  for  it, 
but  I  could  never  hope  to  get  a  professional  as  fine  a  type 
as  you.    Will  you  pose  for  it? 

Fenton:  (Aghast.)  Me?  That  feller  there  without 
any  clothes? 

Margaret:  Yes. 

28 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Fenton  :  (Dubiously.)  Well — I  don't  know.  It's  kind 
of  chilly  here. 

Margaret  :  If  I  draped  you — it  would  spoil  some  of  your 
lines.      (Seeing  his  hesitation.)     But  I  will  if  you  like. 

Fknton  :    (Relieved.)     Ah — now  you're  talking. 

Margaret  :    So  you'll  really  come  ? 

Fenton  :    How  about  this  evening  ? 

Margaret:  Splendid — sit  down.  (Fenton  does  so.) 
Mr.  Fenton  you've  quite  aroused  my  curiosity.  I  know  so 
few  business  men.     Is  your  work  interesting? 

Fenton  :  Well — I  can't  say  it  was — until  I  started  sell- 
ing around  this  neighborhood. 

Margaret  :   Is  it  difficult  ? 

Fenton  :  Not  if  you've  got  personality,  ^liss.  That's 
the  thing — personality.  If  a  feller  hasn't  got  personality — 
he  can't  sell  goods,  that's  sure. 

Margaret  :  What  do  you  mean  by  personality — Mr. 
Fenton  ? 

Fenton  :  Well — it's  what  sells  the  goods.  I  don't  know 
how  else  to  explain  it  exactly.  I'll  look  it  up  in  the  dic- 
tionary. (Takes  dietionary  ajid  turns  pages.)  Here  it  is, 
ma'am.  Per — per — why,  it  isn't  in  here.  I  guess  they 
don't  put  in  words  that  everybody  knows.  We  all  know 
what  personality  means.     It's  what  sells  the  goods. 

29 


ANOTHER   WAY   OUT 

Margare:t:   I  adore  a  strong,  virile  masculine  person- 
ality. 

Fe^nton  :    I  don't  quite  get  you,  madam. 

Margare:t  :   The  men  I  know  have  so  much  of  the  femi- 
nine in  them. 

Fknton  :   Oh,  "Cissies." 

Margare:t:    (Flirtingly.)     They  lack  the  magnetic  force- 
fulness  which  I  like  so  much  in  you. 

Fe:nton  :   I  believe  you  are  kidding  me.     Does  that  mean 
you  like  met 

Margare:t  :    That's  rather  an  embarrassing  question. 

Fe:nton  :    You  must — or  you  wouldn't  let  me  speak  to 
you  this  way. 

MargarivT:    (Archly.)     Never  mind  whether  I  like  you. 
Tell  me  whether — you  like  me? 

Fenton  :    (Peeling  more  at  home.)     Gee!     I  didn't  get 
on  to  you  at  first.     Sure  I  like  you. 

Margaret  :   Then  we're  going  to  be  good  friends. 

Fenton:   You  jest  bet  we  are.     Say — got  a  date  for  to- 
morrow evening? 

Margaret:   No. 

Fentcv:    How  about  the  Movies?     There's  a  fine  fea- 
ture film  at  the  Strand — Theda  Bara  in  ''The  Lonesome 

30 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Vampire,"   five   reels.     They   say    it's    got    ''Gloria's    Ro- 
mance" beat  a  mile. 

Margaret  :  I  don't  know  that  I'd  care  to  go  there. 
Fenton:  How  about  a  run  down  to  Coney? 
Margaret  :  Coney — I've  always  wanted  to  do  wild  Pagan 
things. 

Fenton:    Say— you'll  tell  me  your  name,  won't  you? 
Margaret  :   Margaret  Marshall. 
Fenton:   Do  you  mind  if  I  call  you  Margie? 
Margaret:   If  you  do— I  must  call  you— 

Fenton:    Charley.     Gee— I   like  the  name   of   Margie. 
Some  class  to  that. 

Margaret  :   I'm  glad  you  like  it. 

Fenton:    (Moving  nearer.)     And  some  class  to  you! 

Margaret:    (Coyly.)     So  you  really  like  me? 

Fenton  :   You  bet— say,  before  I  go— you've  got  to  give 
me  a  kiss,  Margie. 

Margaret:    Well— I    don't   know.     Aren't   you     rather 
"rushing"  me? 

Fenton  :    Say — you  are  a  kidder.     (He  draws  her  up 
from  her  chair,  and  kisses  her  warmly  on  the  lips.) 

Margaret:    (Ecstastically.)     You  have  the  true  Greek 
spirit. 

31 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Margaret:    If  only  Pommy  would  kiss  me  that  way. 

Fenton  :    Pommy  ?     Who's  Pommy  ? 

Margaret  :   Pommy  is  the  man  I  live  with. 

Fenton  :    Your  husband ! 

Margaret:  No — we  just  live  together.  We  don't  be- 
lieve in  marriage. 

Fenton  :  (Pushing  her  away  in  hor^'or.)  I  thought 
there  was  something  queer  about  all  this.  Does  he  live 
here? 

Margaret:    {Pointing.)     Yes.     He's  in  there  now. 

Fenton:  {Excitedly.)  Good  night!  Pm  goin'.  (I,ooks 
for  hat.) 

Margaret:  {Speaking  with  real  anguish.)  You're 
surely  not  going — just  on  that  account. 

Fenton:    {Taking  hat  and  bag.)     Isn't  that  enough? 

Margaret:  {Bmotionally.)  Please  don't  go.  Listen — I 
can't  suppress  my  feeling  for  you — I  never  do  with  any- 
body. I  liked  you  the  moment  I  saw  you — I  want  you  as 
a  friend — a  good  friend.  You  can't  go  now — just  when 
everything's  about  to  begin. 

Fenton:  (Severely.)  Fair's  fair,  Miss.  If  he's  keep- 
ing you,  you  can't  be  taking  up  with  me  at  the  same  time. 
That  puts  the  finish  on  it. 

Margaret:    But  he  doesn't  keep  me.     I  keep  myself. 

Fenton  :   Wait  a  minute — you  support  yourself — an'  live 

32 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

with  him  of  your  own  free  will.  Then  you've  got  no  ex- 
cuse for  being-  immoral — 'tisn't  like  you  had  to  make  your 
living  out  of  it.     {At  door.)     Good-bye. 

^Iargarkt  :    But  I  can  explain  everything. 

F£:nton  :  It's  no  use,  Miss.  Even  though  I  am  a  sales- 
man, I've  got  a  sense  of  honor.  I  sized  you  up  as  a  mar- 
ried woman  when  I  came  in  just  now — or  I  never  would 
have  made  love  to  you  at  all. 

Margaret  :  Oh — wait !  Supposing  I  should  want  to  buy 
some  more  dictionaries? 

Fenton  :  (Returning.)  You've  got  my  card.  Miss.  The 
phone  number's  on  it.  Bryant  4253.  (Sees  Margaret  hang 
her  head.)  Don't  feel  hurt,  Miss.  You'll  get  over  these 
queer  ideas  some  day — and  when  you  do — well — you've  got 
my  number.     Solong,  kid.      (Exit  Pent  on,  door,  center.) 

^Margaret  :    (Taking  his  card  from  table  and  placing  it 
to  her  lips  soulfully.)     My  Apollo — Bryant  4253! 
(Enter  Pendleton.) 

PexdlKTON  :  Did  you  get  a  good  start  with  your  scan- 
dal. (Margaret  hangs  her  head.)  It's  no  use,  I'm  con- 
vinced that  we're  in  a  hopeless  muddle. 

Margaret  :    I  heartily  agree  with  you. 

Pendleton  :    You've  changed  your  mind  very  suddenly. 

AIargaret  :    I  have  my  reasons. 

33 


ANOTHER    WAY    OUT 

Pi:ndi.e:ton  :  The  fact  is — Margaret — that  so  long  as  we 
Uve  together  we're  public  figures,  with  everybody  else  as 
our  jury. 

Margaret:  But  lots  of  people  read  your  books  and  re- 
spect us. 

Pendi^ETon  :  The  people  that  respect  us  are  worse  than 
the  people  that  don't. 

Margaret:  If  they  wouldn't  always  be  bothering  about 
our  morals. 

Pendleton  :  If  we  continue  living  together — we  shall 
simply  be  giving  up  our  freedom  to  prove  that  we  are  free. 

Margaret:  (Paltering.)  I  suppose  we  ought  to  sep- 
arate. 

Pendi^eton:    I  believe  we  should. 

Margaret:    We'll  have  to  give  up  the  studio. 

Pendi,eton:    (Regretfully.)     Yes. 

Margaret  :  It's  taken  a  long  time  making  the  place  home- 
like. 

Pendi^ETon  :   We've  been  very  comfortable  here. 

Margaret:    I  shall  miss  you  at  meals. 

Pendi^eton:  I  shall  have  to  start  eating  at  clubs  and 
restaurants  again — no  more  good  home  cooking. 

Margaret:  We're  kind  of  used  to  one  another — aren't 
we? 

34 


LAWRENCE    LANGNER 

Pi;NDi,^TON :  It  isii't  ail  easy  matter  to  break — after  five 
years. 

jMargare:t  :  And  there  are  mighty  few  studios  with  as 
good  a  hght  as  this — I  don't  want  to  separate  if  you  don't. 

Pe:ndi,eton  :  But,  Margaret.  (Piano  starts  playing 
zveddiug  inarch.)  There — that  confounded  piano  again — 
{Seized  with  an  idea.)     Alargaret,  there's  another  zvay  ont. 

Margaret:  {With  same  idea.)  You  mean — we  ought  to 
marry. 

Pendi^ETOn  :  Yes — marry  and  marry  at  once — that'll  end 
everything. 

Margaret  :  Let's  do  it  right  away  and  get  it  over  with. 
I  simply  must  finish  my  Apollo. 

PendeETOn  :  I'm  going  to  buy  you  a  new  gown  to  get 
married  in — a  wedding  present  from  Baroness  de  Meau" 
ville's. 

Margaret  :  I  don't  know  that  I  want  a  De  Meauville 
gown. 

PendeETOn  :  Please  let  me — I  want  to  give  you  some- 
thing to  symbolize  our  new  life  together. 

Margaret  :  Very  well — and  in  return,  I'll  buy  you  a 
dictionary,  so  that  I  won't  have  to  keep  on  correcting  your 
spelling.  {Exit  Pendleton.  Margaret  goes  to  phone, 
consults  Fentou's  card  and  calls  Bryant  4253.) 

Margaret:    Bryant  4253?  Can  I  speak  to  Mr.  Fenton? 

35 


ANOTHER   WAY    OUT 

{Enter  Mrs.  Abbey.)     Mrs.  Abbey.     What  do  you  think. 
We're  going  to  get  married. 

Mrs.  Abbey:  Well — bless  my  soul.  That's  right.  You 
can  take  it  from  me,  ma'am,  you'll  find  that  respectability 
pays. 

Margaret:  (At  phone.)  Bryant  4253?  (Siveetly.) 
Hello,  Charley! 

Curtain 


36 


AI 
La 

TI 

on  I 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN  INITIAL  FINE  OF  25  CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  50  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  $1.00  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


120cr49BZ 


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NIftR   4  1901 


17  weststrstMr 


LD  21-100TO-7,' 


lalleson. 
-paid  .50 


rama  m 
ie  Pota- 
)aid  .30 


lur  Acts 
L.  Eliot, 
^aid  .55 

4cts    by 
k,  Jr. 
^aid  .55 


)ne  Act 
iltzer. 
[>aid  .45 

)gue  by- 
da  and 
)aid  .85 


>V    Roy 
)aid  .25 

spell. 
baid  .35 


New  York  City 


Caylord  Bros 

Makers 
Syracuse.  N.  Y. 

pAi.  m  21, 


1908 


3r><20.; 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


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